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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Going viral on Instagram:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Making waves on Facebook:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

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Commentary:
😂 That pocket's only job is to hold my hopes and dreams! 🌟👖

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Messenger this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Just landed via WeChat:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Going bananas on Slack:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Live now on Threads:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

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