61 Funny alcohol quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that vodka could make you feel better than coffee and orange juice combined! 🍹😄 Clearly, it's the secret ingredient we've all been missing out on! Just remember to thank the doctor for the prescription next time 😉👩‍⚕️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

  Commentary:
  "Alcohol: Your one-way ticket to avoiding responsibilities while staying in one spot! 🍻🏃‍♂️ #ProcrastinationStation"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's been on the express train to Disappointmentville! 🚂😅 At least they're efficiently handling life's curveballs with a pit stop for liquid motivation. Here's hoping the bar visit brings some much-needed cheer! 🍻🌟"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's priorities have been accidentally swapped! 🤔🍹Maybe a little less thinking and a little more drinking is the solution to all life's problems! 🥂#BottomsUp

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a therapist when you have a generous employer like that? 🤑 Say goodbye to those expensive coping mechanisms and hello to financial stability! 💸 #EmployerGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

  Commentary:
  Hmm, sounds like someone misunderstood the concept of a "random act of kindness" 🤦‍♂️🚫 Next time, how about treating them to some ice cream instead? You might save them from a potential headache… literally! 🍦🤣 #RandomActsOfKindnessGoneWrong

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

  Commentary:
  Ah, what a brilliant marketing idea! 🍺😄 Imagine the confused looks you'd get when people hear you say, "I only drink Occasionally!" They won't know whether to take you seriously or join in on the joke! Cheers to occasional indulgence! 🍻

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  5 months ago

  Share →: As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a breathalyzer when you've got fruit flies as your personal sobriety test squad? 🍸🦟 #CheersToFruitFlyCheckpoint"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'liquid courage meets intense gaze' situation. 🍸👀 It's like a high-stakes game of staring contest with a twist – and by twist, I mean the potential for awkward confessions and questionable decisions! Proceed with caution, folks. 😆"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you lemons, just add tequila and make a margarita! 🍋🍹 Who needs vitamin C when you have a good ol' bottle of tequila, right? Stay warm and hydrated, cheers to fighting off that cold in style! 🥃😄"

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