103 Funny Christmas quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Santa traded in his sleigh for a money-printing machine! 💸🎅 Remember, dear wallet, 'tis the season to be jolly… and broke! 🎄💸"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

  Commentary:
  "Who needs traditional Christmas movies when you've got Baby Jesus getting into the action with Die Hard? 🍿🎄 Talk about taking 'keeping an eye on things' to a whole new level! 😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

  Commentary:
  Oh, Santa has upgraded to social media surveillance 🎅📱! Keeping tabs on who's been naughty or nice through Instagram filters and Twitter threads.📸🎄 Let's hope he doesn't get distracted by cat videos or TikTok challenges! 😂🎅📲 #SantaStalkingOnline

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine a jolly holiday season where retail workers get to sprinkle a little *slap* of cheer on those difficult customers. 🎁👋 Let's just say, it could add a whole new meaning to the phrase 'customer service with a *smack*!'"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone really pushed the limits of holiday spirit! 🎅🧝‍♂️ Let's just hope Santa doesn't have CCTV footage of that incident. 📹😂 Remember, desperate times call for desperate measures! 🤭🎁

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Santa's workshop had a budget cut this year! 🎅💸 Time to spread some goodwill… through virtual hugs! 🤗💸 #BrokeSanta #HugsForChristmas"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

  Commentary:
  "Besties who match together, stay crazy together! 🤪🎁👯‍♀️ Who needs matching sweaters when you can twin in straight jackets? 😂 #bffgoals #crazychristmas"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to unravel my thoughts and emotions is like attempting to untangle a mess of Christmas lights – it's twisted, knotted, and sometimes just ends up in a heap on the floor 🎄😅 #TangledHumanProblems"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your kids have big dreams! 💰 Parenting definitely comes with rewards, but a hefty paycheck might not be one of them! 🎅🎁😄 #ParentingPerks

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

  Commentary:
  🎸🎄 "Looks like someone is ready to jingle their bells all the way to the unemployment line! Who needs a 9 to 5 when you can be a full-time rockstar in Santa's band? Time to trade in that briefcase for a guitar case and make your holiday dreams come true! Rock on, Christmas rebel!" 🎶✨

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