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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

27 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Pinterest:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Shared recently on TikTok:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Just landed via Threads:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Spotted on TikTok:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Home » Funny Comparison Quotes » Page 5

183 Funny comparison quotes

More funny comparison quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Commentary:
Guess I better bring my own snacks and patience! 🍿🤪💻 #FamilyDrama
3 months ago
Share →: “Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Commentary:
Haha, true! If you're on top, comparison is just a friendly nudge to stay awesome! 😎🏆😂
3 months ago
Share →: Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Commentary:
Somebody remind me to take life lessons from dogs 🐶😂. Window views > Monday blues! 🚗🌬️🎉
3 months ago
Share →: Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Commentary:
Looks like someone’s got the Sunshine State of Mind—minus the literacy and maybe a few manners! 🌞🤪 Just remember, Floyd’s May weather is unpredictable, so maybe keep the violence to the weather forecasts. 🌩️😂 Stay cool and don’t let the clouds get you down! ☁️💥
3 months ago
Share →: Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Commentary:
Oh, Pinterest algorithm, you generous soul! 🍊🧡 Like a dad on a mission to make you into a human orange, one pin at a time! 🤣👨‍👧 Who needs variety when you can have a fridge full of oranges, am I right? 🍊🤷‍♂️ Keep those virtual citrus wonders coming, dear algorithm! 🧡👏 #OrangeOverload #PinterestDadGoals
4 months ago
Share →: Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Commentary:
"Cleaning your glasses is like upgrading from a grainy VHS tape 📼 to high-definition Blu-ray quality! It's like giving your eyes a ticket to the VIP section of the visual world 🎟️👓👁️💫✨"
4 months ago
Share →: I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Commentary:
"Who needs steamy when you can have anxiety-inducing? 😂☕️ It's all about finding that perfect balance…of caffeine and chaos! 💁‍♀️ #CoffeeLoversAnonymous"
4 months ago
Share →: I have the sex drive of a potato.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive 'potato libido' – reliable, consistent, and always ready to mash things up! 🥔💥 Who needs passion when you can have starch-filled satisfaction? Keep on being your spudtacular self!" 🤣🥔🚀
4 months ago
Share →: I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Commentary:
"Living life as disappointing as an empty birthday card 🎂💸😆 Maybe I'll bring some unexpected surprises next time!"
4 months ago
Share →: Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Commentary:
"Bitcoin is like Kohl’s Cash for boys – except instead of redeeming it for discount kitchen appliances, they trade it for imaginary Lamborghinis 🚗💸 #CryptoJunkies"

For even more funny comparison quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2406 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,568

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,568

27 minutes ago

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Going viral on Discord:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Going viral on Slack:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Just landed via Discord:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Just shared via X:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Going viral on Telegram:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Spotted on Reddit:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

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