People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura. Posted on2 hours ago
Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor. Posted on4 hours ago
If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD. Posted on6 hours ago
Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one. Posted on10 hours ago
Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. Posted on21 hours ago
I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all. Posted on24 hours ago
Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand. Posted on24 hours ago
Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning. Posted on1 day ago
During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold. Posted on1 day ago
Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone. Posted on1 day ago
My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.” Posted on1 day ago
Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me. Posted on1 day ago
Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them. Posted on1 day ago
These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her. Posted on1 day ago
Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status. Posted on2 days ago
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing. Posted on2 days ago
Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long. Posted on2 days ago
I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog. Posted on2 days ago
Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it. Posted on3 days ago
Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money? Posted on3 days ago
I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way. Posted on3 days ago