Funny quotes comparison

139 Funny comparison quotes

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

4 days ago

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

1 week ago

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

3 weeks ago

I have the sex drive of a potato.

3 weeks ago

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

1 month ago

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

1 month ago

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

1 month ago

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

1 month ago

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

1 month ago

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

1 month ago

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

1 month ago

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

1 month ago

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

1 month ago

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

1 month ago

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

1 month ago

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

1 month ago

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

1 month ago

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

1 month ago

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

1 month ago

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

2 months ago

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

2 months ago

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

2 months ago

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

2 months ago

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

2 months ago

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

2 months ago

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

2 months ago

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

2 months ago

January is the Monday of the year.

3 months ago

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

3 months ago

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

3 months ago