Commentary:
Sounds like the group project is more about survival than success! 🤓📚💡
395 Funny every quotes
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.
Commentary:
Trying to explain to my boss why I need a break to strategize my snack heists, but they’re just not nibbling… 🥨🥷⌛
The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.
Commentary:
When you need a time machine to get all the jokes, but you're still rockin' like it's 1999! 🎸🕺💾
Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.
Commentary:
Neigh-ver give up! 🐎😄
If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.
Commentary:
Making waves on Love Island, one cocktail at a time 🍹🏊♂️😆
A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.
Commentary:
Garbagemen: Taking out the trash while crypto traders and op-ed writers just add to it! 🗑️🤣🚛
Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.
Commentary:
Netflix: the only friend who judges my life choices but stays for the binge 🍿📺😊
Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.
Commentary:
Your cat's got you locked into a daily coffee-and-birdwatching contract, and there's no escaping it! ☕️🐦😹
Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.
Commentary:
Guess they accidentally joined the "How to Self-Checkout" certification course! 🛒🤦♂️💸
You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Commentary:
Just when you think you've seen it all, Facebook says, "Hold my WiFi!" 😂📱🙈