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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Just shared via X:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Just shared via WeChat:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I love having plans to cancel.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Trending via Telegram:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

47 Funny leaving quotes

More funny leaving quotes 👇

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

3 weeks ago

body, common, common sense, emotion, feeling, humor, know, leaving, little, love, relationship, sense, someone, tingly, tingly feeling
My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

3 weeks ago

alone, behavior, Funny, funny behavior, humor, interaction, leaving, moved, only, people, regret, social, social interaction, suspicion, time, trust
Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

3 weeks ago

alien, aliens, alone, animal, animals, dying, existential, government, humor, just, leaving, loneliness, me, planet, relationship, us
Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

3 weeks ago

back, blessing, daily, daily life, house, humor, leaving, leaving house, life, returning, safely, safety, underrated, underrated blessing
Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

3 weeks ago

business, enough, go out of business, humor, i, job, leave, leaving, need, quitting, revenge, sarcasm, workplace
You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

3 weeks ago

behavior, communication, die, enough, humor, leaving, life, live, messaging, modern, modern life, people, people pleaser, pleaser, read, read receipt, receipt, social, social behavior, start, text, texts
Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

3 weeks ago

casualwear, comfort, every, exist, fashion, house, humor, i, leave, leaving, sweatpant, sweatpants, time, why

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All funny leaving quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WeChat this month:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

51 shares on X this month:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

16 shares on X this month:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I will never stop being a quitter!

44 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Spotted on Discord:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Going viral on Threads:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Trending via Reddit:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Going viral on Telegram:

Shared recently on Reddit:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Making waves on Reddit:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Seen just now on Discord:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Activity Log ✨

47 Funny leaving quotes

More funny leaving quotes 👇

All funny leaving quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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