Funny medieval quotes

• I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

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  6 days ago

  bet, couple, feels, humor, i, incredible, irony, medieval, pain, rack, relief, seconds, sensation, stretcher, torture, where

• You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

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  2 weeks ago

  amusement, bed, bed chamber, chamber, enter, flirtation, humor, jester, me, medieval

• Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

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  1 month ago

  celebration, cute, food, fork, holding, holiday, humor, just, me, medieval, medieval warrior, Thanksgiving, trying, warrior, while

• Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

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  2 months ago

  accent, apology, babe, being, British, British accent, cancel, dating, fake, geographic, geographic inconsistency, going, humor, inconsistency, keeps, medieval, relationship, roleplay, sarcasm, sex, sorry

• In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

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  2 months ago

  absurdity, alive, army, battle, death, Eager, easy, Europe, heads, history, humor, life, medieval, pretty, wanted

• Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

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  2 months ago

  equivalent, forget, forgetting, home, humor, leaving, medieval, modern, phone, sword, technology, times

• Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

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  4 months ago

  animal, animal behavior, away, behavior, car, comparison, crazy, day, found, funny comparison, gas, gas station, got, having, horse, humor, imagine, later, life, medieval, medieval times, modern, modern life, ran, run, runaway, runaway horse, scared, station, times, transportation

• Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

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  5 months ago

  blocking, criminal, enough, humor, i, insult, medieval, throw, tomato

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