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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Breaking via Facebook:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Live now on YouTube:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

75 Funny politics quotes

More funny politics quotes 👇

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

2 weeks ago

cake, challenge, change, confidence, done, history, humor, piece, politics, regime, regime change, sarcasm, should, success, well
Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

2 weeks ago

Batman, billionaire, bruce, Bruce Wayne, candidate, candidates, city, crime, election, elections, favor, gotham, Gotham City, politics, rigging, simply, superhero, wayne, why
If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

1 month ago

beef, celebrity, conflict, government, humor, lost, media, online, online beef, politics, pop, pop star, social, social media, star
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

2 months ago

bit, conversation, every, family, family gathering, gathering, going, holiday, humor, incorrectly, joke, mispronunciation, name, politician, politicians, politics, Thanksgiving
I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

2 months ago

after, gone, herd, herd mentality, humor, i, media, mentality, opinion, opinions, political, politics, post, satire, selfie, social, social media, sure, viral
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

2 months ago

enough, got, humor, irony, me, never, parents, politics, rich, socialist, upset, wealth
A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

2 months ago

application, applying, communism, employment, guy, humor, job, job application, jobs, just, laziness, political, politics, satire, somewhere, wants
I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

2 months ago

disinformation, humor, i, irony, joke, lie, politics, remember, satire, truth, used
You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

2 months ago

belief, cynicism, every, humor, just, level, liking, mistrust, opinion, politician, politics, prove, satire, should, single, skepticism, trust
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

2 months ago

ambition, career, election, going, humor, i, joke, office, politics, retire, retirement, run

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All funny politics quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

78 shares on X this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Going viral on Telegram:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Going bananas on Telegram:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Live now on X:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Going viral on WeChat:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Trending via Discord:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Spotted on Slack:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Activity Log ✨

75 Funny politics quotes

More funny politics quotes 👇

All funny politics quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨