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62 Funny read quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect crime – burying a dead body among the endless sea of unread articles and forgotten tabs! 👀💻 Just make sure you don't accidentally close that tab when you're deep into the article… 🚫🔍 #TechSavvyMurderMystery"
5 months ago
Share →: My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to send a subtle message! 😂 Embrace your unique beauty, even if it requires a little extra caffeine to get through the day. ☕️💁‍♀️"
5 months ago
Share →: I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Commentary:
"Looks like we've got a real case of 'phantom baby syndrome' here! 🤰🏻👻 Must be all that food baby growing in there. Time for a make-believe check-up! 😆 #ImaginaryPregnancyProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Commentary:
"Remember, how they treat the waiter says more about them than their fancy shoes do! 👀🍽️ It's like the ultimate personality litmus test – pass the kindness test or dine alone! 🙊😂 #RespectForAll"
5 months ago
Share →: Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Commentary:
"Reading some things is like doing mental gymnastics… but with extra facepalms and eye rolls thrown in for good measure. 🤦‍♂️🤯 #BrainRecoveryModeActivated"
5 months ago
Share →: Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Commentary:
Oh, the perils of literacy! 📚🤦‍♂️ Who knew that mastering the ABCs could lead to such chaos and calamity? Farewell, blissful ignorance; hello, endless bookshelves of doom! 📖😅 Remember, it's all fun and games until you discover the labyrinth that is the English language! Best of luck navigating the treacherous waters of reading! 🌊🔍
5 months ago
Share →: There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Commentary:
Oh, the irony of embracing minimalism even in your reading habits! 📚💁‍♂️ Who knew skimming the blurb could be both literary and minimalist at the same time? Maybe the author will appreciate your dedication to the minimalist art of book consumption! 😄
5 months ago
Share →: Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Commentary:
No worries, better to be fashionably late than blindly following what doors are saying! 🤣🚪 Next time, just make sure to consult with the windows too! 😉
5 months ago
Share →: My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Commentary:
"Sounds like your mom's texts are a proper workout for your attention span! 💊💬 Better refill that Adderall, or you might miss out on vital updates like 'Uncle Bob's cat's dental appointment' 😂 #TextsFromMom"
5 months ago
Share →: Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Commentary:
"Who knew gummy bears could be so deadly? 🐻😂 Just watch out for those sneaky sugar-coated killers! Death by bear attack… of the candy variety. 🍬💀 #SweetToothGoneWrong"