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Funny self-defense quotes

Trending Funny Self-Defense Quotes 🔥

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.
I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.
If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.
When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

New funny self-defense quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Commentary:
"Who knew being so sassy could cost you? 🤑💁‍♂️ Time to trade in those insults for compliments – gotta watch that mean behavior balance! ⚖️😜"
5 months ago
Share →: If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Commentary:
"Remember, if you're feeling more electric than them, you may want to rethink your taser technique ⚡😄 Give those zaps responsibly, folks!"
5 months ago
Share →: My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Commentary:
"Waiting for karma like 🙏, but keeping kickboxing on standby for those extra challenging moments like 💪🥊. Who knew life advice could come with a side of self-defense? 😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Commentary:
🤯 "Defending your Ph.D. is like the academic equivalent of a championship fight – except no one warned you that you'd have to battle a committee of professors instead of stepping into a ring! Who knew academia could be so cutthroat? 😂 Just remember, you've got this – stand tall, maintain your sanity, and show 'em who's boss!"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the mornings, when one must prepare for battle against the elusive snooze button and the treacherous morning grump 😂☕️⚔️ Rise and shine, a warrior never sleeps in! 💪🌞"
5 months ago
Share →: I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Commentary:
"Looks like those muggers might need to schedule a rain check if they plan to mug you during your Tai Chi session 🤣👊 Seems like you'll have all the time in the world to prepare your moves at that pace 😉💪"
5 months ago
Share →: I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Commentary:
"Who said ignorance is bliss clearly knew what they were talking about! 🙉💁‍♂️😆 #SelectiveHearing #OpinionsWho?"
5 months ago
Share →: If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old question: Can martial arts skills double as a form of payment? 💸💥 Just imagine casually busting out a roundhouse kick at the checkout counter – 'payment received!' 😂 Who knew self-defense training could save us some cash! 🥋💰"
5 months ago
Share →: Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic duck and dodge strategy – the ultimate game of life dodgeball! 🦆💨 May your aim be quick and your reflexes quicker, dear friend. Remember, sometimes it's best to let fate find a new target. 😂 #LifeDodging"
5 months ago
Share →: When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Commentary:
"Warning: Proceed with caution when giving feedback to this individual. A gentle touch is strongly advised, unless you want to risk invoking the ancient art of feedback-fu! 🥋🤼‍♂️💥"