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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Just shared via Threads:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Live now on Telegram:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Just shared via Discord:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Just landed via Twitch:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Breaking via Threads:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Just landed via Snapchat:

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

61 Funny short quotes

Funny short quotes are the perfect pick-me-up, sprinkling humor into your day like confetti 🎉. Whether you’re in need of a giggle 🤭, a chuckle 😂, or a snicker 🤣, these witty one-liners pack a punch of positivity and laughter in just a few words. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your own posts, let these quirky gems brighten your mood and tickle your funny bone 🦴!

New funny short quotes 👇

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

10 hours ago

confidence, down to earth, Earth, height, humor, just, most, people, personality, short
According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

14 hours ago

am, BMI, body, body image, height, humor, i, image, joke, short, shortness, too
I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

15 hours ago

communication, humor, i, message, ok, paragraphs, recommend, recommendation, reply, saying, short, short reply, texting
Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

19 hours ago

break, breaks, commercial, commercial break, comparison, feel, humor, movie, relaxation, short, short break, stress, stressful, weekend
They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

20 hours ago

alive, enjoy, financial, financial joke, finished, humor, joke, life, money, said, short, short life, spending, still, survival
Starting a new life today, bye.

1 day ago

fresh, fresh start, goodbye, humor, life, new, new life, short, short quote, start, starting, today
Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

1 day ago

block, blocking, communication, humor, life, love, media, people, relationship, sarcasm, short, social, social media, sooner, tell, truth
Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

1 day ago

ad, advertisement, before, extinguisher, fire, fire extinguisher, humor, online, online video, safety, seems, short, short video, tutorial, video, YouTube
Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

6 days ago

freaky, fun, honesty, humor, life, personality, pretend, short, stuff, too
“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

2 weeks ago

abbreviation, humor, means, pun, short, unc, uncle, unclear, well, wordplay

For even more funny short quotes, hit next 👇

All funny short quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on X this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

72 shares on Discord this month:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

24 shares on X this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

90 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

12 shares on TikTok this month:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

66 shares on Slack this month:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Fries, not lies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Trending via Discord:

I love unplanned fun.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Trending via Messenger:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Seen just now on Slack:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Spotted on Facebook:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Going viral on WeChat:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

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