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10,000+ funny quotes

142 Funny situation quotes

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

3 months ago

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

3 months ago

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

3 months ago

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

3 months ago

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

3 months ago

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

3 months ago

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

3 months ago

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

3 months ago

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

3 months ago

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

3 months ago

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

3 months ago

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

3 months ago

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

3 months ago

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

3 months ago

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

3 months ago

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

3 months ago

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

3 months ago

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

3 months ago

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

3 months ago

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

3 months ago