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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Going bananas on Threads:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Spotted on YouTube:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Going viral on Messenger:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Just shared via Telegram:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Just landed via Facebook:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

91 Funny water quotes

More funny water quotes 👇

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

1 week ago

cold, cold water, humor, jump, late, lesson, life, life lesson, metaphor, patience, procrastination, timing, warmer, water
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

1 week ago

am, bullshit, drowning, frustration, here, humor, i, irony, planet, sarcasm, water
Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

1 week ago

absolutely, animals, beaver, confusion, curiosity, decision, decision making, doing, even, humor, just, know, making, nature, river, think, water
I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

1 week ago

childhood, drank, drinking, drinking water, hose, humor, i, nostalgia, personality, playful, silly, water, water drinking
If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

1 week ago

absurdity, ghost, humor, irony, nautical, question, ship, water, why
College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

1 week ago

bottle, campus, college, humor, humor quote, independence, just, laptop, life, resilience, student, student life, study, water, water bottle, world
When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

2 weeks ago

activity, artist, ask, funny activity, humor, i, music, repeat, repetition, song, water
They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

2 weeks ago

beverage, coffee, humor, life, necessity, source, true, water
The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

2 weeks ago

bath, bath water, funny situation, humor, oh, person, reaction, situation, throw, throw out, uh, uh oh, unexpected, water
Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

2 weeks ago

comparison, confidence, Fiji, Fiji water, humor, let, pond, pond water, positivity, self-worth, treat, water

For even more funny water quotes, hit next 👇

All funny water quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Fries, not lies.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Live now on Slack:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Making waves on Pinterest:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Activity Log ✨

91 Funny water quotes

More funny water quotes 👇

All funny water quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨