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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,790

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Trending via YouTube:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Shared recently on X:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Spotted on WeChat:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Live now on TikTok:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

Making waves on Telegram:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Just shared via Reddit:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Home » Funny Wife Quotes » Page 11

114 Funny wife quotes

More funny wife quotes 👇

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, move, moves, packing, relationship, travel, trip, wife
If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

0

2 months ago

advice, birthday, forget, forgetting, humor, just, marriage, never, relationship, sure, want, wife
How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

0

2 months ago

humor, invention, joke, language, last, relationship, wife, wildlife, word, wordplay
Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

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2 months ago

culture, darth, Darth Maul, humor, marriage, maul, pop, pop culture, sci-fi, surprise, veil, wedding, wife
Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

0

2 months ago

bride, guest, humor, marriage, relationship, threat, veiled, veiled threat, wedding, wedding guest, wife
Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

0

2 months ago

funny situation, humor, just, mattress, relationship, situation, sleep, wake, wake up, wife
At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

0

3 months ago

airplane, airport, asked, humor, husband, misunderstanding, seat, seats, travel, where, wife
In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

0

3 months ago

80s, divorce, documentary, family, film, humor, i, kid, kids, literally, pretty, retro, saw, shrink, shrink-ray, sure, technology, wife
Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

0

3 months ago

Barbie, couple, creator, fact, fun, fun fact, hot, Hot Wheel, husband, marriage, toy, trivia, wheel, wheels, wife
Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

0

4 months ago

around, baby, breadcrumb, chick, drama, ex, hate, humor, i, love, love triangle, men, relationship, secret, secret baby, side, side chick, still, trauma, triangle, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

47 shares on X this month:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

41 shares on Discord this month:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Making waves on WeChat:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Shared recently on Threads:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Just landed via TikTok:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Going viral on Reddit:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Live now on Facebook:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Activity Log ✨

114 Funny wife quotes

More funny wife quotes 👇

All funny wife quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨