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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Making waves on Threads:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Spotted on TikTok:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Live now on Messenger:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Shared recently on Slack:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Live now on X:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

2 months ago

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Living blissfully in my own bubble of confusion since forever 😂🤷‍♂️✨

am, compliment, difference, disdain, disinterest, dumb, easier, humor, i, ignorance, irony, life, luck, lucky, much, sarcasm, sarcastic, self-deprecating, simplicity, tell

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53 shares on Threads this month:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

61 shares on Facebook this month:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

30 shares on Discord this month:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Freshly posted on X:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Just shared via WeChat:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Spotted on Reddit:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Seen just now on X:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Broadcasted on X:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Spotted on Reddit:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Going viral on Threads:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

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Activity Log ✨

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨