I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

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How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

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Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

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Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

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Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

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It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

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The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

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I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

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I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.