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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Sorry, canโ€™t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. Thereโ€™s no coming back from that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has downloaded:

What can I buy my wife for Valentineโ€™s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Teens be like, โ€œYou know that crumbled up piece of paper thatโ€™s been on the table all week? I need it for school.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

58 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Breaking via Telegram:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Just landed via Slack:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didnโ€™t happen.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Just landed via Instagram:

Iโ€™ve broken all my New Yearโ€™s Resolutions so now Iโ€™m moving on to laws of nature.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you havenโ€™t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You donโ€™t know what youโ€™re missing.

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
Ah, the modern struggle of giving our phones much-needed rest! ๐Ÿ“ฑ๐Ÿ’ค Who needs beauty sleep when your phone is begging for a break? Maybe we should start a petition for phone vacations! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #PhoneDeservesABreak

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

58 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

Iโ€™ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all Iโ€™ve lost is my patience.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

“Youโ€™re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. Itโ€™s in the sky.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Messenger:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive lifeโ€™s daily bullshit.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Just landed via YouTube:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Breaking via YouTube:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Just shared via Reddit:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Live now on WeChat:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Going viral on WeChat:

The devil couldnโ€™t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Just shared via YouTube:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

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