Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Just shared via TikTok:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Breaking via Snapchat:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Going bananas on X:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Shared recently on WeChat:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Trending via Twitch:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting the days until I can add "divorce party planner" to my resume! 😂💔🎉

age, divorce, half, humor, i, marriage, milestone, relationship, should

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

0

2 months ago

copy, document, font, formatting, frustration, glad, humor, never, paste, technology, text, thought
Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

0

2 months ago

career, desire, focus, humor, job, motivation, not working, quitting, satire, work, working, workplace
I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

0

2 months ago

belief, believe, compliance, driving, humor, i, irony, law, obey, rule, time, traffic, traffic law
I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

0

2 months ago

4pm, am, anything, appointment, daily, daily routine, day, hate, humor, i, laziness, management, person, procrastination, routine, self-awareness, time, time management, type
If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

0

3 months ago

better, chess, conflict, face, game, getting, going, humor, opponent, play, response, sit, strategy, unexpected, unexpected response, violence
If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

0

2 months ago

advice, best, billionaire, election, humor, interest, person, politician, sarcasm, someone, telling, vote

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

68 shares on X this month:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Trending via Discord:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Spotted on Threads:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Just landed via Threads:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Making waves on Discord:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Breaking via X:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Just shared via Messenger:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Just landed via TikTok:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Live now on TikTok:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨