Commentary:
Who knew fruit picking was the ultimate life hack? 🍎😂
Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?
Commentary:
Windows computers come with ads in the start menu? I just wanted to boot up, not sign up for a shopping spree! 🛍️🖥️😂
Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to train my dog to be a private detective! 🕵️♂️🐶📱
My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?
Commentary:
Talk about setting the bar high! I'll assume the universe's resolution is to make me laugh more. 😂🙌
I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.
Commentary:
Guess they thought they were financing a miracle instead of my wallet! 💸🪄😂
Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.
Commentary:
Finally, a dating app where you can find both love and that elusive printer ink! 🖨️❤️😆
Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.
Commentary:
Sounds like the Grinch is trying a new diet plan on us! 🍪😂🎅
I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.
Commentary:
Still waiting for my certificate in Digital Hoarding 📷📥😂
Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.
Commentary:
Sending thoughts and elastic waistbands your way! 🙏👖
Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.
Commentary:
Feeling like I'm on top of the world… and other days, it's more like a heavyweight championship with Earth as my opponent! 😂🌍💪