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I hear selective amnesia is on sale this week! 😂🧠✨
Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.
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Digging deep into the job market, one rock at a time! 🪨😅📉
I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.
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When Dad tries to use his "charm" on his daughter and realizes he's gonna need an escape plan pronto 😂🚪💨
Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.
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Mastering the art of "ignore and walk away" like a ninja in heels! 🕶️💁♀️💃
Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.
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A coin for Mortal Kombat in the 90s? Cheaper than therapy and twice as effective! 🎮🕹️💥
I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.
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Just call me the modern-day caveman, but with less smoke and more crunch! 🔥🍟😄
Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.
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🎅😂 "Breaking news: Neither Santa nor 'local singles' are coming down your chimney this year!" 💔🎄
I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.
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Looks like I'll be wrapping myself up for the holidays! 🎁🤗💸
Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.
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When caffeine becomes your financial planner! ☕💸😅
My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.
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Who needs a GPS when you've got a toddler with 20/20 vision? 😂👓🦁