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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Breaking via Facebook:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Going viral on YouTube:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Live now on LinkedIn:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about life's balance, blending humor and a playful take on pain and vitality.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finding that perfect level of chaos in life where it's 'ouch' instead of 'ouchouchouchOMG!' 😅🔨

alive, balance, dead, enough, humor, just, know, life, pain, spot, sweet, sweet spot, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

86 shares on X this month:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Live now on Messenger:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Just shared via Twitch:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Breaking via Reddit:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Just shared via Reddit:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Making waves on Snapchat:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Spotted on YouTube:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Just shared via Slack:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨