Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

This Monday could have been an email.

Just landed via Messenger:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Going viral on Slack:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Going viral on Instagram:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Trending via YouTube:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Just shared via X:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Going bananas on WeChat:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Trending via Snapchat:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Spotted on Twitch:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This to-do list looks like it’s seeking a promotion to disaster manager! 🐱🔥🥚🐦🚫

bag, basket, bird, birds, bite, bite hand, box, bridge, bridges, burn, burn bridge, cat, egg, eggs, feeds, fire, hand, ice, idiom, inside, kill, let, list, me, play, put, stone, thin, think, to-do, to-do list, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

0

2 months ago

cooking, humor, i, man, men, poison, sarcasm, self-control, should
I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

0

2 months ago

dreaming, financial, financial humor, head, humor, humor quote, i, income, lifestyle, need
90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

0

2 months ago

90, exploration, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, McDonald’s, means, ocean, restaurant, sea, underwater, unexplored
People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

0

2 months ago

back, cat, cats, hate, humor, life, mouse, next, next life, people, reincarnation
My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, buffalo, Buffalo sauce, cat, encourage, funny moment, humor, i, just, licking, moment, pet, pet humor, sauce, things, try
The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

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4 weeks ago

convenience, delivery, door, DoorDash, food, food delivery, half, hour, humor, i, just, miracle, phone, pick, punch, salad, spending, technology, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on X this month:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

98 shares on X this month:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

63 shares on Slack this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Making waves on Slack:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Shared recently on X:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Seen just now on Slack:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Making waves on X:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Just shared via Reddit:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Trending via TikTok:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨