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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Going viral on Slack:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Just shared via Facebook:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Trending via Reddit:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Going viral on TikTok:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Going bananas on TikTok:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Making waves on Telegram:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Breaking via Telegram:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

2 months ago

0

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the irony of watching a show called Unsolved Mysteries and expecting them to actually solve the mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♀️ It's like going to a restaurant and getting upset when they don't serve food. 😆 Maybe the real mystery is why we keep coming back for more unsolved mysteries! 🔍 #TheMysteryContinues

end, entertainment, expectation, frustration, getting, humor, mad, mystery, show, solve, suspense, TV, TV Show, unsolved, Unsolved Mystery, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

0

5 months ago

anguish, communication, digital, digital communication, emoji, emotion, express, expression, humor, sort
When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

0

2 months ago

camera, camera zoom, commentary, contact, episode, eye, eye contact, humor, i, marriage, married, office, side, style, The Office, video, video style, want, wedding, wedding video, Zoom
“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

0

2 months ago

away, crime, donations, holiday, humor, i, most, pot, running, Santa, theft, wonderful, year
Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

0

1 week ago

ask, before, December, email, holiday, holiday season, January, management, problem, procrastination, season, send, time, time management, yourself
I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, broke, clothes, crisis, fit, grown up, humor, i, identity, identity crisis, over-thinker, overthinker, pretty, remember, self-deprecation, stressed-out, sure, wanted
I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

0

2 months ago

age, cross-legged, days, floor, full-body, getting, getting older, humor, limitations, older, paralysis, physical, physical limitations, sitting, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on X this month:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

53 shares on Slack this month:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

59 shares on X this month:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cool times create cool guys.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Going viral on Slack:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Breaking via Threads:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Just shared via X:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Just landed via Twitch:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Just shared via X:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Going viral on Discord:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Live now on Pinterest:

God saw you do that.

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