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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,276

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Just shared via Messenger:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Going viral on Messenger:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Making waves on X:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Just shared via Reddit:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

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Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.
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Commentary:
Oh, the irony of watching a show called Unsolved Mysteries and expecting them to actually solve the mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♀️ It's like going to a restaurant and getting upset when they don't serve food. 😆 Maybe the real mystery is why we keep coming back for more unsolved mysteries! 🔍 #TheMysteryContinues

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

30 shares on YouTube this month:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All I think about is death and sex.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Breaking via Messenger:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Going bananas on Slack:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Breaking via Messenger:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Trending via Twitch:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Just landed via TikTok:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Trending via Discord:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

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