Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Spotted on Discord:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Just landed via Reddit:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Making waves on Facebook:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Spotted on Twitch:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Going viral on TikTok:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Just shared via WeChat:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Trending via Reddit:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Packing fashion and bravery into one accessory, because nothing says 'confident' like a sword-ready strut! ⚔️💃✨

accessory, bold, bold style, boost, confidence, confidence boost, empowerment, example, fashion, feel, humor, i, know, me, personality, quirky, self-confidence, sexier, style, sword, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

0

4 days ago

amount, decision, humor, i, ID, irony, overthinking, right, self-reflection, think
Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

0

2 months ago

cd, collection, excuse, found, funny excuse, humor, i, late, lateness, music, nostalgia, old, old technology, procrastination, sorry, technology
In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

0

2 months ago

80s, drink, feeling, humor, nostalgia, retro, thirsty, waterbed, woke
Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

0

3 months ago

AI, center, conservation, data, data center, drink, drinking, humor, much, need, only, please, resource, sure, technology, thirst, thirsty, too, water
Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

0

2 months ago

away, burn, distraction, food, forever, irony, kitchen, patience, seconds, time, toast, waiting, walk
Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

0

2 months ago

aging, eyesight, failing, humor, mirror, nature, older, past, self-image, shock, stress, walk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

22 shares on Threads this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

80 shares on X this month:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

62 shares on Discord this month:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

80 shares on Slack this month:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

97 shares on X this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Seen just now on Slack:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Trending via Telegram:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Just shared via Facebook:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Live now on Instagram:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Spreading quickly via X:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Making waves on Twitch:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Just shared via Twitch:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Trending via Threads:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨