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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,253

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Just shared via WeChat:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Making waves on Discord:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Breaking via Slack:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Making waves on Discord:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Spotted on Slack:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Just shared via WeChat:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Just shared via TikTok:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, sell them for cash because stress is expensive 🍋💸😅

apparently, even, finance, financial, financial problem, going, humor, i, issue, just, life, life struggle, lot, money, money issue, need, personal, personal finance, problem, struggle, through

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

0

2 months ago

alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor
Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

0

2 months ago

acquaintance, connection, guy, humor, knowing, knows, most, networking, relationship, skill, social, social skill, things, valuable, world
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

0

2 months ago

analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe
If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

0

2 months ago

behavior, bragging, happiness, happy, humility, humor, keep, know, likes, sarcasm, self-control, social, social behavior, yourself
All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

0

2 months ago

big, burger, fast, fast food, food, height, humor, opinion, restaurant, saying, should, taller, width
God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

0

2 months ago

conversation, God, humor, i, powerful, self-awareness, skills

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

30 shares on Threads this month:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

42 shares on X this month:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Going viral on Threads:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Going bananas on Threads:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨