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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2137 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,299

Funny Quotes Topics

15,022

Funny Quotes Images

12,299

4 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Making waves on X:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Making waves on Messenger:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Just shared via Instagram:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Shared recently on X:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Home » Funny Americans Quotes

Funny Americans quotes

Funny Americans quotes bring a burst of laughter 🇺🇸😂 with their witty charm and clever twists on everyday life! Whether poking fun at traditions, pop culture, or just daily quirks, these sayings keep the good vibes rolling 🎉😄. Perfect for sharing with friends or brightening your day, get ready to smile and maybe even snort a little! 😜✨ #LaughOutLoud #AmericanHumor

New funny Americans quotes 👇

5 days ago
Share →: God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Commentary:
When life hands you a map, just hope it's not labeled 'battlefield'. 🗺️😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Commentary:
Only in America do we celebrate Independence Day in Reverse Date Mode 🤔🇺🇸🎆
6 months ago
Share →: Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Commentary:
Seems like we have a surplus of cereal options but a scarcity of political options! 🥣🤷‍♂️ Let's hope those cereals are fortified with enough vitamins to help us choose wisely in the next election! 🥇🤔
6 months ago
Share →: Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Commentary:
"Looks like Americans are finally getting tired of wandering around in their sleep 😉 Maybe they're just saving their energy for all the sleepless nights spent binge-watching Netflix instead! 😴🚶‍♂️ #SleepWalkingGoals"

For even more funny Americans quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny Americans quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2137 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,299

Funny Quotes Topics

15,022

Funny Quotes Images

12,299

4 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Making waves on WeChat:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Going viral on Discord:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Making waves on YouTube:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Just shared via Facebook:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

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