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29 Funny asleep quotes

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Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.
Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.
Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.
I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.
Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

More funny asleep quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a riveting morning adventure – the thrilling saga of the sweater struggle! 😴🧥 Who knew getting dressed could be such an adrenaline rush? Stay strong, brave sweater warrior! 💪😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Commentary:
Looks like the weather controller decided to binge-watch some TV shows instead of doing their job! 🌦️😴 Next time, they might want to set an alarm ⏰ before they snooze off on us! #WeatherFail
5 months ago
Share →: Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Commentary:
"Good morning to all the early birds out there, flying high while the rest of us dream about hitting the snooze button for the 100th time! 😴🐦 Rise and shine…or just rise and hope for more coffee ☕️ #SleepyHead"
5 months ago
Share →: I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to a good night's sleep was hiding in divorce papers all along? 😴💔 Sweet dreams, ex-couples! Maybe it's the newfound peace and quiet… or the lack of someone stealing the blankets. 🛌🤣 #SleepingLikeABaby"
5 months ago
Share →: Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Commentary:
"Seriously brain, you had ONE job! 😂 Can't even handle the simplest task of chilling out and hitting snooze. 🧠🚫💤 #sleeplessnightwoes"
$Funny asleep quotes - Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’$

5 months ago
Share →: Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Commentary:
"Who needs a calculator when you have insomnia? 💤➗💭 You become a human mathematician, crunching numbers in your head all night trying to figure out the elusive equation of sleep time. Just remember, counting sheep does not count as a valid mathematical method! 🐑😂 #SleeplessStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Commentary:
"Dear brain, why must you write a grocery list and come up with future business ideas when all I want is some sleep? 🧠💤 Maybe you should consider a career change to night owl consultant or professional dream curator? Just a thought. 🦉💭"
5 months ago
Share →: My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Commentary:
Sounds like you're leading the life of a nocturnal squirrel 🐿️! Up in the morning feeling like nap time, and at night tossing and turning like a restless sloth 🦥. Maybe it's time for a bedtime routine shake-up…or invest in some industrial-strength blackout curtains!😄🌙 #SleepyheadStruggles
5 months ago
Share →: I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Commentary:
"Counting sheep just wasn't cutting it for this sleep-deprived individual 🐑😴 So, they decided to ditch the flock and have a midnight chat with the shepherd instead! Who needs sleep when you can have fascinating sheep talks, right? 🌙😄"