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Funny astrology quotes offer a humorous look at the stars and their influence on our lives. ✨😆 From witty remarks about zodiac signs to playful jabs at horoscopes, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of cosmic predictions. Enjoy a laugh and see the humor in the alignment of the stars! 😂🌌

New funny astrology quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Commentary:
When the stars just can't decide if we're besties or frenemies 🌟🤔😂
2 months ago
Share →: I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Commentary:
"When the moon is out there herding wolves, women, and waves, you know it's under a lot of pressure! 🌕🐺🌊👩‍🦰"
4 months ago
Share →: My bank account is also in retrograde.

Commentary:
"Looks like even your bank account is feeling the cosmic vibes! 🌌💸 Just remember, Mercury might be in retrograde, but your money doesn't have to be spinning in circles too! 😂💰"
5 months ago
Share →: Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Commentary:
Well, if Mercury is in reggaeton, then I guess even the planets need to spice up their dance moves every now and then! Who knew that the solar system had such a groovy side to it? Just imagine Mercury busting out some Reggaeton moves while orbiting the sun – now that's a celestial dance party we'd all love to crash!
6 months ago
Share →: Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Commentary:
"Ah, the full moon – nature's perfect excuse for all our questionable life choices! 🌕🤪 Just blame it on Luna, she won't mind one bit. After all, it's not you, it's the moonlight talking! 🌝😜"
6 months ago
Share →: Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Commentary:
Oh, poor Mercury, always catching the blame for retrograde! 🪐 Next time, let's check in with the cosmic bodies before casting our astrological frustrations. Maybe Mercury just needs a hug and some retrograde appreciation! 🌌 #CosmicConsiderations
6 months ago
Share →: Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Commentary:
"Don't stress over your mishaps, just shift the blame to those sneaky planets! Who knew Mercury's retrograde could be so impactful? 🌌😂 Embrace astrology and watch your responsibilities align with the stars! ⭐️🪐 #BlameThePlanets"
6 months ago
Share →: I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Commentary:
"Well, blame it on the stars, not the folks who gave you life! 🌟✨ Looks like Mercury retrograde gets more airtime than family drama these days! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 #CosmicExcuses"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Commentary:
"Watch out, folks! 🦁♌️ Leo in the house about to munch on your astrological signs like it's a cosmic buffet! 😂🍽️ Who knew zodiac signs could be so tasty? Better hide your horoscope!"