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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Going viral on Reddit:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Going viral on X:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Going viral on Snapchat:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Live now on Telegram:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Making waves on Reddit:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Just shared via Messenger:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

1 week ago

activity, before, breaking, breakup, Christmas, date, dating, deviled, deviled egg, egg, eggs, exchange, feeding, fun, fun activity, gift, gift exchange, gifts, start, Thanksgiving
I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

2 weeks ago

dating, humor, issue, life, politics, relationship, single, single life, voter
I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

2 weeks ago

age, closer, commitment, dating, humor, i, life, life stage, relationship, retirement, single, stage, think
Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

2 weeks ago

dating, dating struggle, dynamics, humor, just, observation, relationship, single, social, social dynamics, someone, struggle, understanding, wondering
Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

2 weeks ago

boyfriend, call, communication, dating, girlfriend, hello, humor, love, me, relationship
Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

2 weeks ago

app, apps, awkward, awkward moment, confused, confusion, date, dating, dating app, deleted, going, grocery, grocery store, humor, interaction, just, life, moment, shopping, single, single life, social, social interaction, store, walk
Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

2 weeks ago

computer, culture, dating, fun, humor, irony, made fun, Plankton, pop, pop culture, relationship, Spongebob
“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

2 weeks ago

alcohol, answer, asked, beautiful, beautiful woman, dating, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate answer, interview, job, job interview, situation, social, social situation, weakness, woman, women, workplace
Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

2 weeks ago

communication, connection, dating, distance, humor, long distance, love, relationship, relationships, truly, trust, work
Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

2 weeks ago

attractiveness, beautiful, compliments, confidence, dating, follows, humor, me, media, new, self-esteem, social, social media, still, thing, women

For even more funny dating quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Reddit this month:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

82 shares on X this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Just landed via Twitch:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Spreading quickly via X:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Seen just now on Slack:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Live now on Twitch:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨