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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,888

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Making waves on Slack:

I need a break from me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Making waves on Telegram:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Spotted on Twitch:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Trending via Threads:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Live now on Instagram:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Live now on Facebook:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Home » Funny Dating Quotes » Page 31

491 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

0

2 months ago

advice, apartment, apps, date, dating, dating apps, i, isolation, leave, life, meet, need, never, relationship, relationship advice, social, social life, someone, tips, urgent, where
Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

0

2 months ago

40, activity, age, dating, fun, fun activity, hide, hide and seek, humor, life, loneliness, looking, over, relationships, seek, seeking, single, single life
Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

0

2 months ago

AI, app, dating, experience, humor, i, let, machines, me, modern, modern experience, place, relationship, robot, suffer, suffering, technology, Tinder, want
Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

0

2 months ago

40, area, curiosity, dating, hot, hot single, humor, inflammation, joint, joint pain, over, over 40, pain, single, singles
Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

0

2 months ago

area, date, dating, hot, hot single, humor, interaction, irony, loneliness, online, online dating, single, singles, social, social interaction, talk, want
Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

0

2 months ago

bio, bumble, dating, family, guys, humor, murder, online, online dating, response, sarcasm, still, whole
Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

0

2 months ago

activity, bite, dating, dating tips, fun, fun activity, humor, profiles, share, should, sneeze, sound, sound bite, tips
Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

0

2 months ago

dating, gifts, humor, jewelry, just, laid, nice, relationships, romance, shopping, should, stores, trying
If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

0

2 months ago

answer, dating, humor, millionaire, money, people, relationships, sarcasm, single, someone
Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

0

2 months ago

advice, boyfriend, dating, girl, humor, least, please, relationship

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🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Threads this month:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

72 shares on Threads this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Live now on X:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Spotted on Messenger:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Making waves on Instagram:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Spotted on Instagram:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Just shared via Threads:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Just landed via Twitch:

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

Activity Log ✨

491 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨