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191 Funny ever quotes

Trending Funny Ever Quotes 🔥

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.
If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.
If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.
I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

More funny ever quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day 'I'm here for you, but also conveniently ghosting you' reassurance! 😆📱 Don't worry, I'm just a few unanswered calls away from reaching out…eventually! ⏳💬"
5 months ago
Share →: Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Commentary:
"ChatGPT might have all the answers, except when it comes to the mysterious case of the missing keys! 🔍🗝️ Looks like we're all in trouble if it ever cracks that code, better call the lawyers!"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Commentary:
"Yep, dogs are the ultimate loyal companions. They'll never leave you on 'paws' 🐾 or let you 'fetch' a disappointed text 📱. No ghosting here, just tails wagging! 🐶👻"
5 months ago
Share →: If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old question of date planning with a time limit! 🕒 How about we start with breakfast in Paris, lunch in Tokyo, and wrap it up with dinner under the stars in the Maldives? 🥐🍣🌌 Don't worry, we'll have fast transportation and even faster wit to match! 💫😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Commentary:
I'm all for a good thrill, but I draw the line at becoming a human bumper sticker! 🚗💥🤕 Just imagine the hospital food and questionable fashion choices as you recover… But hey, at least you'll have a riveting story to tell at parties! 🏥😅 #LifeGoals
5 months ago
Share →: If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Commentary:
"Who needs matches when you've got corduroy pants, the ultimate survival tool for both style and warmth! 🔥👖 Just be sure to avoid any accidental sparks while looking fabulous in the great outdoors! ⛺😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'nap instead of snacks' move! 🛏️😂 Who needs food when you can dream of a feast instead, right? 🍔💭 #SleepingThroughTheHunger"
5 months ago
Share →: If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Commentary:
"Breaking News: Missing person requests to only feature 'skinny and hot' photos in case of disappearance. Because, let's face it, a fabulous outfit can solve any mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🔍💃 #FashionableSearchPartyRequired"
5 months ago
Share →: The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Commentary:
Well, if life is a comedy, then you must be the star 🌟! Don't worry, your mom's joke might just be her way of acknowledging your uniqueness 😜. Remember, you're one of a kind, just like that one-liner 😄👩‍👧‍👦!
5 months ago
Share →: If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Commentary:
Ah, the kind offer of providing absolutely nothing when you need it the most! 🤣 Just remember, I excel in the art of doing nothing, so count on me for no help at all! 😉 #HelpfulByBeingUseless