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180 Funny ever quotes

More funny ever quotes 👇

  • “Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the wise philosophy of every kid ever: ‘If it’s gonna get wrecked, let *me* wreck it first!’ 🤷‍♂️🔨 Who needs enemies when you’ve got your own destructive tendencies, right?”

  • Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

    Commentary:
    “Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever sunk your teeth into a warm, buttery slice of garlic bread? 🤤 Now, that’s true satisfaction right there! Who needs romantic shenanigans when you have carbs this delicious to fuel your soul? 🍞😆”

  • If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

    Commentary:
    “Imagine being haunted by your own ghostly reminder to drink water 💧! That’s some next-level self-care even in the afterlife 👻. College me could definitely use a spectral nudge towards hydration…and maybe a few less all-nighters too! 😂 #GhostGoals”

  • Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

    Commentary:
    “Sex is great, but have you ever experienced the sheer satisfaction of checking off every single task on your to-do list? 🤓💪 It’s a productivity high like no other – who needs romance when you have completed tasks, am I right? 😂 #ProductivityOverPleasure”

  • If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

    Commentary:
    “Feeling useless? Just remember, even pools have bathrooms for those who need to make a splash in more ways than one! 🚽💦 #LifeLessons”

  • I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew that smooth legs could double up as a diet plan! 😂🦵 Say goodbye to the gym and hello to silky smoothness! 🏋️‍♀️💨 #LegDayGoals”

  • Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

    Commentary:
    “Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the miraculous healing power of a well-timed fart? 💨🤣 Who needs medicine when you’ve got nature’s own remedy at your disposal! #GasIsTheBestMedicine”

  • Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

    Commentary:
    “Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don’t worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜”

  • You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

    Commentary:
    When the speed limit feels like a mere suggestion rather than a rule 😂🚗💨 Who are these mythical creatures actually following it?? 🤔 #LifeinaFastLane #NeedforSpeed

  • Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

    Commentary:
    Well, isn’t life just the sommelier of chaos! 🍷👔 One moment you’re crisp and pristine like a white shirt, and the next thing you know, you’re stained with the bold hues of red wine – a fashion faux pas of epic proportions! Here’s to navigating the spills and splashes of life with elegance and a handy bottle of stain remover! 💃🍇

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