403 Funny health quotes

• You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

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  3 weeks ago

  advice, bad, dentist, drink, eat, food, health, humor, name, should, teeth, toothpaste, water

• If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

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  3 weeks ago

  die, diet, eat, exercise, fit, fitness, health, humor, irony, life, lifestyle, well

• Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

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  3 weeks ago

  apple, date, dating, doctor, eat, health, humor, joke, just, nice, pun, relationship, seeing, stop, thing

• My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

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  3 weeks ago

  doctor, dying, finger, finger guns, good, good luck, guns, health, humor, joke, luck, me, sarcasm, told

• In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

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  3 weeks ago

  20s, 40s, age, big, deal, eating, health, healthy, humor, lifestyle, oh, realization

• Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

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  3 weeks ago

  annoyance, bad, blood, fat, health, human, humor, irony, mosquito, nature, too

• Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

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  3 weeks ago

  appointment, around, doctor, eye, health, humor, irony, today

• If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

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  3 weeks ago

  bike, care, city, DUI, health, humor, means, new, New York City, riding, Tennessee, york

• Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

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  3 weeks ago

  ambulance, doctors, health, hope, hospital, humor, i, irony, okay, seen

• Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

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  3 weeks ago

  advice, bed, behavior, both, doctor, family, health, health advice, humor, instinct, jumping, jumping on the bed, know, live, monkey, monkey instinct, playful, playful behavior, said, wife

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