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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Live now on Messenger:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Spreading quickly via X:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Going viral on X:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Spotted on Threads:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Just shared via Discord:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Breaking via Discord:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Spreading quickly via X:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

230 Funny holiday quotes

More funny holiday quotes 👇

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

2 weeks ago

ago, celebration, change, Christmas, everyone, Funny, holiday, humor, new, new year, seasonal, seasonal change, timing, tradition, week, year
Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

2 weeks ago

brother, card, Christmas, exchange, gift, gift card, gift exchange, give, holiday, holiday humor, humor, i, me, special, time
If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

2 weeks ago

Christmas, game, ghost, ghosts, holiday, humor, ID, Mario, Mario Party, me, party, play, three, video, video game
Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

2 weeks ago

bed-rotting, bedrotting, feeling, guilt-free, guilty, health, holiday, holidays, mental, mental health, normalize, relaxation, self-care
I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

3 weeks ago

casualwear, couch, dilemma, eve, fashion, fashion dilemma, figure, going, holiday, humor, i, need, new, New Year’s Eve, outfit, procrastination, relaxation, wear, year’s
That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

3 weeks ago

awareness, Christmas, confusion, date, date confusion, day, day awareness, gap, holiday, new, new year, tell, time, time gap, week, year
I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

3 weeks ago

account, adulting, age, bank, bank account, being, buy, Christmas, family, family gift, feel, finance, gift, gifts, hate, holiday, holiday shopping, humor, i, money, obligation, shopping, support, where, whole
In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

3 weeks ago

20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh
They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

3 weeks ago

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever
Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

3 weeks ago

anyone, beginning, Christmas, holiday, humor, lot, noticed, observation, question, season

For even more funny holiday quotes, hit next 👇

All funny holiday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on TikTok this month:

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Just landed via YouTube:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Just landed via Telegram:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Trending via Messenger:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Breaking via Facebook:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Just landed via Threads:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Activity Log ✨

230 Funny holiday quotes

More funny holiday quotes 👇

All funny holiday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨