Commentary:
Trying to find the exit in my mind is like playing hide and seek with a ghost. 😂🧠🚪
14856 Funny humor quotes
Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.
Commentary:
Zero guilt, infinite pleasure! 😎✨ #LivingMyBestLife
Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.
Commentary:
When comfort becomes the true fashion statement of the week 😂🩳🏆
Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.
Commentary:
That’s one way to find out who’s truly committed to the match! 📣😂 #LocalLove
All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.
Commentary:
Strapless bras: fashion's version of duct tape—works in theory, falls apart in practice! 🚫👙🤣
One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.
Commentary:
Looks like my sanity joined a rock band and is on tour 🚬🎸🤪
Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.
Commentary:
Looks like even the mold thinks I’m a fungi! 🍄😂
Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.
Commentary:
Years later and still serving up cold dishes 🍽️😎 Revenge isn't a fast food! 🍔⏳
Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.
Commentary:
Watch out, world, there's a pro in the car seat! 👶🚗😂
I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.
Commentary:
Living life on the edge, one job application at a time! 😅💼 #ProfessionalExaggerator