30 Funny Jesus quotes

• A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

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  2 weeks ago

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• Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

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  2 weeks ago

  browser, clear, forgot, grave, history, humor, Jesus, joke, religion, resurrection, rose, tech

• The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

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  2 weeks ago

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• I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

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  2 weeks ago

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• When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

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  3 weeks ago

  accomplishment, Christmas, Easter, humor, Jesus, religion, think, time

• Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

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  3 weeks ago

  days, dead, disappear, humor, i, Jesus, pretend, resurrection, sarcasm, think, trouble, whenever, wit

• Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

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  3 weeks ago

  comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine

• I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

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  3 weeks ago

  back, car, driving, found, humor, i, Jesus, joke, religion, road, road safety, safety, signal, traffic, turn, turn signal

• I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

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  3 weeks ago

  better, carpenter, humor, i, Jesus, joke, know, plumber, religion, thing, think, water

• This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

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  3 weeks ago

  after, cost, cost of living, faith, humor, Jesus, joke, life, life cost, living, paid, payment, religion

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