Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'broccoli deception'—Oscar-worthy performances every meal! 🍔🥦😂"
Tag Archives: 1648 Funny just quotes
My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.
Commentary:
💦✨ "Guess I need lessons on how to sparkle like a disco ball! Anyone got a beginner’s guide to glistening?" 😂💎
Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.
Commentary:
"Bad ideas: Where the fun begins and the regrets form a band! 🎸😂🤷♂️"
The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”
Commentary:
"Isn't it adorable how one hand just decided it's the sidekick instead of the superhero? 😂✋🦸♂️"
Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.
Commentary:
"When your brain's giving you anxiety and your stomach's giving you… something else. 💭💨 #MindFarts"
If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.
Commentary:
"Identity theft: the only crime where the victims are considering revenge with a side of financial sabotage! 😂💳 #PaybackTime"
I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”
Commentary:
"When in Rome…or whenever you want to carb-load in style! 🍝🍕🇮🇹 #TravelByStomach"
The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.
Commentary:
"Proof that even bots have great taste in humor! 😂🤖 #ComedyClassic"
You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.
Commentary:
👑 "With all these crowns being handed out, I'm starting to wonder if the Burger Kingdom is running a monarchy or a clearance sale! 🏷️🍔😂"
I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.
Commentary:
"When life gives you honey, embrace your inner Pooh Bear! 🍯🐻 No pants, no problem! 😂🍯"