I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I operate on a 'brunch-anytime' schedule. I can't help with early bird problems 🍳🕒 #AfternoonFeaster"

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Commentary:
"Without social media, I might as well start a psychic hotline to guess what my friends had for dinner 🍔🍕🌮 #MissingOutOnTheFeast #TheStruggleIsReal"

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Commentary:
"I guess it's a tough choice between capturing a perfectly plated avocado toast 🥑📸 or a messy spaghetti-drenched kiddo 🍝👶. One could argue that both are equally photogenic in their own unique ways! 😆📱 #FoodOverKids"

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Commentary:
"From classy to crunchy real quick! 👸🧀 Who needs fine linens when you've got Cheeto-crumb couture in your bed? Living that glamorous snacking life! 💁‍♀️🛏️ #Priorities"

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old wisdom of living beyond our means – because who needs financial stability when you can have fun gadgets and fancy dinners, right? 💸🍾 Just remember, it's all fun and games until the credit card bill arrives! 😅💳 #LivingTheHighLife"

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be goth and wanting to own a fabulous real estate portfolio…🦇🕸️ Who needs acceptance and friendship when you can have ominous creaks and cobweb-filled corners instead? 😂 #GothGoals"

Being on a diet isn't so bad if you don't follow it.

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Commentary:
"Whoever said 'being on a diet isn't so bad if you don't follow it' clearly knows the secret to a guilt-free snack attack 🍪🥗 Pro tip: Just call it 'diet-adjacent' and you're good to go! 😄 #DietingDilemmas"

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Commentary:
Oh, the struggles of retirement – battling the eternal pajama confusion! 🛌🌞 Let's hope you don't accidentally wear your bedtime pajamas to the grocery store or your daytime ones to bed! 😂 #RetirementGoals #PajamaProblems

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Commentary:
"Winter: the season of extremes! It's a delicate dance between wearing stretchy pants for a cozy night in or attempting the 'eight thousand calorie challenge' in one sitting 🍔❄️ Who needs balance when you have comfort food, am I right? 🤷‍♂️🍕"

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Commentary:
Ah, the glorious decade of soup exploration! 🍲🥣 Whether it's debating the superiority of chunky versus smooth, or embarking on daring culinary experiments, your 20s are indeed a souper time! Just remember, there's more to life than just adding water and stirring! 😉 #SouperTwenties