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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has copied:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has copied:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has shared:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Telegram:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Just landed via Instagram:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Trending via Snapchat:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Live now on Telegram:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Trending via YouTube:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Trending via Discord:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

64 Funny romantic quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

32 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

10 shares on Slack this month:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

38 shares on X this month:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones β€” I want mine weak in the knees about me.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

β€œI’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Every Reddit relationship post is like β€œMy husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love it when God gives me money.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Saying β€œshut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œYou’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has shared:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has shared:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has shared:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Just landed via Facebook:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

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