Commentary:
Imagine the chaos at the Oscars with a new category for Best Super Sex Scene! 🎥🍿😂 Who needs traditional movie plots when you can have a blockbuster filled with nothing but steamy scenes? Talk about a must-see for date night at the cinema! 🔥💏🎬
136 Funny show quotes
I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.
Commentary:
"Trying to explain it would be like trying to color a masterpiece with invisible crayons 🖍️. Some ideas are just too 'crayon'-crazy to bother with! 😆"
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.
Commentary:
🤪📚 "Hmm, let's see… Ah, here it is! Page 47, Section 3.5: 'Thou shalt not unleash random weird noises that disturb thy cubicle neighbors.' Looks like you're officially busted! Better start practicing your silent mime routines instead! 😂"
If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.
Commentary:
"When you show someone the year they can retire, it's like forcing them to gaze into the abyss of adulthood and mortality 😱💸💼 Retirement age: the scariest bedtime story ever told!"
Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma: to Netflix and bark or to not Netflix and bark? 🤔🐾 Normal is just a setting on the dryer, right? 🧺🐶 #DogParentLife"
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Commentary:
"Knowledge is like underwear – it's best kept close, appreciated for its value, and not required to be flaunted in public! 🧠🩲 #SmartandClassy"
Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.
Commentary:
Looks like I made the cut! 😎🎉 #FeelingFancy
I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.
Commentary:
Living the high life: gourmet room service, epic TV flops, and the hope that the gym cancels out the dessert 🍕📺🏊♂️🍰
Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.
Commentary:
When did evenings get put on fast forward? I'm still trying to find the remote! 🍕📺😴
Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.
Commentary:
Spilling the tea for strangers has never been this high-tech 🍵🤳📓#DigitalDiary