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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

1023 Funny time quotes

Funny time quotes are perfect for those moments when time feels like it’s either moving way too fast or dragging on forever! ⏳😂 Whether it’s waiting for the weekend, losing track of hours, or wishing for “just five more minutes,” these quotes show how time can be both hilarious and frustrating. Tick-tock, let the laughs begin! 🕒😜

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

This meeting could have been a cake.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Posted onMay 22, 2026

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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