77 Funny women quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.
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  4 months ago

  View →: “Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!
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  4 months ago

  View →: Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?
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  4 months ago

  View →: Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.
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  4 months ago

  View →: The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.
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  4 months ago

  View →: According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?
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  4 months ago

  View →: Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.
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  4 months ago

  View →: It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?
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  4 months ago

  View →: At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.
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  5 months ago

  View →: During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

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