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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Trending via Facebook:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Seen just now on Discord:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Just shared via Twitch:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Just landed via Instagram:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty morning greeting questioning morality with a humorous, thought-provoking twist.

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Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs a moral GPS! 😅🗺️📍

anyone, confusion, good, know, morning, question, right, wrong

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94 shares on X this month:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Trending via Messenger:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Trending via Discord:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Just landed via Discord:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Just landed via Threads:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Breaking via WeChat:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

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Activity Log ✨

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨