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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Just landed via WeChat:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Live now on Slack:

Netflix & by yourself.

Just shared via Instagram:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

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Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.
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Commentary:
Who knew serial killers could be my calming music? 🎶🔪📺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

70 shares on Slack this month:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

89 shares on Slack this month:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

21 shares on X this month:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,663

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Live now on Messenger:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Just landed via TikTok:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Spotted on TikTok:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

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