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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,252

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Freshly posted on X:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Trending via YouTube:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Live now on Slack:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Spotted on Facebook:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Just landed via Slack:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Seen just now on Discord:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like they're in a committed relationship with their couch—Netflix and chill are their favorite landmark! 🛋️📺🥤

actually, anxiety, city, city life, cool, cool things, going, going out, introvert, life, lifestyle, live, living, need, nightlife, person, personality, personality type, social, social anxiety, things, time, type, urban, urban living, word, workaholic, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

0

2 months ago

curiosity, house, humor, inside, invasion, just, let, me, perspective, should
I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

0

4 months ago

5, congrats, congratulation, drunk, drunk text, engagement, friend, girl, glasses, humor, i, media, old, old friend, post, reaction, social, social media, someone, spoken, sweet, text, wine
All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

0

2 months ago

ambition, being, bezos, comparison, humor, jeff, Jeff Bezos, millionaire, saying, wealth
Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

0

2 months ago

always, crazy, health, humor, mental, mental health, stay
Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

0

2 months ago

3, am, awake, baby, early, early hours, everyone, except, exhaustion, good, hours, humor, me, morning, parenthood, sleep
I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, back, bite, humor, i, irritation, itch, kill, mosquito, over, pest, playful, revenge, sarcastic, simply, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

71 shares on Discord this month:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

14 shares on Slack this month:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I love having plans to cancel.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Going viral on Instagram:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Just landed via Messenger:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Shared recently on Slack:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Going viral on YouTube:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨