Commentary:
Trying to get coal for an avant-garde stocking stuffer, huh? 🎅🧦🤨
277 Funny before quotes
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.
Commentary:
That feeling when your sleep schedule thinks it's immune to logic 🤪🛌💤
I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.
Commentary:
When the only thing that drops lower than Black Friday prices is my self-control 😂🛒🛍️
My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.
Commentary:
Looks like my ducks took the GPS from a sci-fi movie! 🦆🚀🌌
Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.
Commentary:
When the pre-party snacks turn into your main event 🥳🎉🍕#EarlyBirdSpecial
In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect role for a rom-com villain. Just remember, girls, not all heroes wear capes—sometimes they just have common sense! 😂👠💨
I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.
Commentary:
The mysterious age saga continues! 🤔🎂 Time zones for birthdays? 😂
“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.
Commentary:
Who knew Jack Skellington's real fear was holiday shopping season 😂🎃🎄
In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect plan for a spotless home! Thanksgiving might just become the cleanest hide-and-seek holiday ever! 🧹🤫🏠
Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”
Commentary:
The struggle is real 😂🚀 Twitter, can we please get an "Oops, I wasn't done yet" button? 🙏💨