Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,761

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Making waves on TikTok:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Going bananas on Facebook:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

Just shared via Reddit:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Shared recently on WeChat:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

24 Funny candy quotes

More funny candy quotes 👇

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

1 month ago

candy, checkout, free, grocery, humor, line, longer, minutes, patience, shopping, should, store, treat
Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

1 month ago

age, around, candy, childhood, cigarettes, humor, innocence, memory, nostalgia, smokers, thing, used
I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

1 month ago

bag, candy, commentary, humor, i, joke, M&M, social, social commentary, woke, wordplay
Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

1 month ago

antics, candy, dispenser, humor, ibuprofen, medicine, pain, pain relief, PEZ, quirky, relief, whimsical
Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

1 month ago

candy, eat, food, guilt, heart, humor, i, much, stomach, today, too, too much, yes
The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

1 month ago

activity, best, bottle, candy, empty, fun, fun activity, humor, line, mouth, playful, prescription, prescription bottle, shaking, Smarty, waiting
I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

1 month ago

candy, diet, gaining, humor, joke, retention, sweets, weight
On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

1 month ago

advice, bad, bad advice, bar, candy, full, full size bar, Halloween, humor, joke, last, size, supply, treat, trick, trick or treat
Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

1 month ago

banana, candy, company, eye, food, honesty, humor, know, lie, perception, straight, taste
It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

1 month ago

body, candy, chip, chips, cookie, diet, essential, food, found, fuel, humor, important, nutrient, snack

For even more funny candy quotes, hit next 👇

All funny candy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Slack this month:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

41 shares on X this month:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

99 shares on X this month:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

54 shares on Discord this month:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Going bananas on Instagram:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Just shared via WeChat:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Making waves on Threads:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Just shared via Threads:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Activity Log ✨

24 Funny candy quotes

More funny candy quotes 👇

All funny candy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨