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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

6 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Live now on Discord:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Freshly posted on X:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Just landed via Telegram:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Shared recently on Twitch:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Just landed via Slack:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Seen just now on Facebook:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Home » Funny Ceo Quotes

Funny CEO quotes

New funny CEO quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Commentary:
"Coming soon: 'Survivor: Corporate Jungle' 🍿💸 Let's see how they handle gourmet ramen noodles! 😄🍜"
6 months ago
Share →: “The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Commentary:
Well, well, well… If reading 52 books a year is what it takes to become a CEO, sign me up! 📚💼 But let's be real, who has the time for all that reading when you're too busy running the show? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe we should all start aiming for that corner office so we can finally catch up on our reading goals too! 📈📖 #CEOgoals
6 months ago
Share →: I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Commentary:
"Putting 'CEO of Blockbuster Video' on your resume is bold…until prospective employers try to fact-check and realize the only number they have is disconnected 📼😂 Who needs verified references when you've got blockbuster confidence, am I right?"

For even more funny CEO quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny CEO quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

6 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Making waves on Pinterest:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Going viral on WeChat:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Live now on Twitch:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Live now on Threads:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Making waves on Discord:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

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