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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Trending via YouTube:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Trending via Threads:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Spreading quickly via X:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Going bananas on Threads:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Making waves on Threads:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Just shared via Messenger:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Going viral on Messenger:

January: the Monday of months.

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

2 weeks ago

break, day, hang, humor, Monday, pause, second, should, Sunday, time, weekend
Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

2 weeks ago

day, humor, next, optimism, procrastination, seize, suck, sucks
Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

2 weeks ago

along, best, best minute, day, family, getting, happiness, joy, kids, laughing, minute, peaceful, playing, seeing, together, togetherness
What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

2 weeks ago

day, humor, missing, relaxation, Saturday, Sunday, time, weekend, wish
It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

2 weeks ago

argue, baby, crazy, daily, day, every, first year, humor, life, parenting, year
Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

2 weeks ago

best, best moment, bra, comfort, day, honesty, humor, moment, relaxation, take
You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

2 weeks ago

adulthood, age, buying, check, day, good, good day, having, house, humor, reality, reality check, someone
I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

2 weeks ago

apartment, barks, day, device, exercise, humor, i, me, motivation, poops, steps, taken, technology, today
Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

2 weeks ago

around, clean, day, follow, garbage, garbage can, house, humor, i, kids, mind, need, never, parenting, robot, Roomba
Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

2 weeks ago

awkward, awkward moment, before, behavior, day, funny behavior, hand, hands, handshake, humor, i, just, moment, pants, prank, rest, shaking, social, spend, touch, wipe

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

49 shares on X this month:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

93 shares on Slack this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

40 shares on X this month:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Live now on Instagram:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Trending via Facebook:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

Just shared via YouTube:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Trending via Pinterest:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Trending via Discord:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Seen just now on Slack:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Seen just now on X:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Activity Log ✨

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨