Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Trending via Instagram:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Trending via Threads:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Going bananas on Twitch:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Live now on Snapchat:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Live now on Pinterest:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Just shared via Threads:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Spotted on WeChat:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Going viral on Discord:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

15 Funny deadline quotes

Funny deadline quotes bring a humorous spin to the often stressful world of meeting deadlines. ⏰😄 From witty remarks about procrastination to playful jabs at last-minute rushes, these quotes highlight the lighter side of ticking clocks and due dates. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the fun in managing deadlines! 😂🗓️

New funny deadline quotes 👇

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

0

2 days ago

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever
You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

0

3 days ago

8, business, create, deadline, hours, humor, productivity, shareholder, time, value, work
Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

0

2 months ago

biological, biological clock, clock, dating, deadline, final, humor, men, pressure, prove, relationship, weakness, worthiness
I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

0

2 months ago

anything, consequence, consequences, deadline, humor, i, looming, motivation, procrastination, productivity, serious
I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

0

2 months ago

commission, deadline, done, humor, i, kiss, lips, need, romantic, tonight
Please twerk; I have just days left.

0

2 months ago

activity, days, deadline, fun, fun activity, humor, i, just, left, please, twerk, urgency
In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

0

2 months ago

challenge, comedy, deadline, event, events, funny situation, humor, i, karate, learn, learning, morning, need, situation, tomorrow, turn, unexpected, unexpected event, urgent
Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

0

2 months ago

complaint, deadline, funny statement, humor, management, sarcasm, sorry, statement, time, time management, yesterday
All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

0

2 months ago

balance, date, deadline, deadlines, humor, i, meet, priority, relationship, want, work life, work-life balance
You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

0

2 months ago

ask, blood, deadline, form, humor, me, poetic, poetic verse, relationship, request, romance, Valentine, verse, week

For even more funny deadline quotes, hit next 👇

All funny deadline quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

19 shares on Threads this month:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

78 shares on Discord this month:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

75 shares on X this month:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls are perverts when they like you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Back to the Future and chill?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Just shared via Threads:

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Spotted on WeChat:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Trending via Facebook:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴