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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Going viral on TikTok:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Just shared via Instagram:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Just landed via Facebook:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Seen just now on TikTok:

This sex could have been an email.

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

2 weeks ago

counseling, health, humor, letting, life, manager, mental, mental health, relief, self-care, speak, stress, stress relief, therapy
You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

2 weeks ago

admiration, attraction, beautiful, beauty, crush, ever, health, humor, infatuation, mental, mental health, mentally, woman
You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

2 weeks ago

account, bank, cash, depressed, depression, finances, financial, financial joke, health, humor, income, joke, just, mental, mental health, money, need, sarcasm, wealth
Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

2 weeks ago

bra, daily, daily life, exercise, fashion, getting, health, humor, life, looks, professional, relatable, should, sport, sports, sports bra, women, women’s, women’s health
Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

2 weeks ago

attitude, confidence, damage, damaged, exterior, exterior confidence, gangsta, health, inner, inner struggle, inside, keep, mental, mental health, outside, resilience, street, street style, struggle, style, toughness
Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

2 weeks ago

coping, coping mechanism, emotional, emotional response, health, humor, lashing, lashing out, loved, loved ones, making, mechanism, mental, mental health, new, ones, relief, resentment, response, stress, stress relief
My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

2 weeks ago

anxiety, health, humor, iconic, mental, mental health, overthinking, personality, relatable, sarcasm, self-deprecating
I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

2 weeks ago

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy
Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

2 weeks ago

clutter, health, humor, humor therapy, joke, mental, mental clutter, mental health, need, relaxation, relief, satire, stress, stress relief, therapy, thoughts, unwanted, vacuum
I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

2 weeks ago

breath, detox, digital, digital detox, every, health, i, just, media, mental, mental health, mind, notification, notification overload, overload, peace, peace of mind, privacy, social, social media, someone, time, want

For even more funny health quotes, hit next 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

11 shares on Slack this month:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

21 shares on X this month:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

48 shares on Threads this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Shared recently on Telegram:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Going viral on Twitch:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Making waves on Twitch:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Trending via Pinterest:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Going viral on Discord:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Activity Log ✨

403 Funny health quotes

More funny health quotes 👇

All funny health quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨